"Hi, Everybody! I'm desperate." Writing lessons from the personals

I just spent an hour in the Craig's List personal ads. I was looking not for romance (which might trouble my wonderful wife of 25 years) but to learn how we write when what we're selling is ourselves. And what I found was something that could improve all our writing.

I looked only at ads without pictures, where words alone had to make the sales pitch. Instead of the lame banalities I expected (I love long walks in the moonlight), I found honesty and humor. More importantly, I found the kind of truth-in-advertising missing from most of the writing we do:

I'm a romantic who most women are attracted to but do not trust because of past experiences.

Cute and broke seeks cute and rich

This last writer clearly needs to be introduced to the man who wrote forthrightly:

You've got boobs. I've got a big wallet.

Writers learn to be truthful because deception ultimately backfires. If "Cute and Broke" isn't honestly cute, "Big Wallet" is going to be one unhappy customer. In fact, I could see many were writing from experience:

You must be single and not a convict.

I am ready to settle down and start a family with the right guy of course (who has eluded me for a while). It's important that we get to know each other first, though.

Your nonconformity will be valued more than your ability to sustain an erection.

Of course, the truth that comes out is not always what the writer intended, as in this guy's case:

What is truly unique, what is special and makes me truly covetous is wit and intelligence . . . and the ability to communicate well in written form.

While truthfulness should be your goal, don't neglect to take the target audience into account. Certain admissions, however truthful, are unlikely to pique interest among the intended readers:

I love SHOE SHOPPING.

I love to shop, get my nails done and do all sorts of stuff!

Hi. everybody! I'm desperate.

Here are two women who know whom they are writing to:

I am currently a student in massage therapy.

Hey, I know this is random, but I have season tix to the Mets and no one to go with. If you're into cute small brown girls with nice smiles, get back.

My favorite ad comes from a woman I wouldn't date but would definitely hire as a writer. Her headline declared, "Chubby, but kick-ass as a girlfriend . . . Here's 15 reasons why." Among them:

2. I'm not the jealous type

5. I won't try to change you

6. I don't care about money or material things

14. I like porn

Know your audience and tell the truth. Great lessons. I don't know if you'll get lucky, but at least you'll get read.